The receiving line: keep it, skip it, and what it costs

The receiving line is the moment, on arrival at the venue, when the two of you and usually both sets of parents stand in a row and greet every guest one at a time. It's an old custom, it's a kind one, and it is the single most common reason an Irish wedding afternoon runs forty minutes late. Nobody ever does the arithmetic, so we'll do it here.

A hundred and fifty guests at ten seconds each is twenty-five minutes. At fifteen seconds, which is what a hug and a "you look gorgeous" actually take, it's nearly forty.

The arithmetic

Twelve seconds a guest is quick. It's a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, a "thanks for coming" and on to the next. It assumes nobody stops to tell a story, nobody's aunt needs to be introduced to the groom's whole family, and the line moves. In practice it doesn't, and the honest number for a hundred and fifty guests is thirty to forty minutes. That is the whole of the family photograph slot, or most of the couple portraits, or, in winter, the last of the daylight.

What it gives you

Every guest, greeted, by both of you and by your parents. Nobody leaves your wedding without having spoken to you, which at a big wedding is otherwise surprisingly hard to guarantee. For the older guests especially, it matters, and on film the receiving line produces a particular kind of footage: your grandmother's face when she reaches you, your father shaking hands with people he hasn't seen in twenty years, the same joke told forty times and getting a laugh every time. We cut it into a minute of the film and it's often a lovely minute.

What it costs

The afternoon. Specifically, the part of the afternoon that had the best light and the freshest faces. We've laid out where the hours go, and the receiving line is the block that pushes everything after it later: family photographs into the drinks reception, portraits into the dinner call, the couple's own drink into never. It also costs you the arrival. The moment you step out of the car at the venue is the start of the party, and a receiving line turns it into a queue.

The alternatives

Visit the tables

During dinner, between courses, the two of you walk the room together and spend a minute at each table. Everyone is seated, everyone is found, and it takes about the same time as a receiving line but it happens during a part of the day that had time to spare. On film it's better: people relaxed, wine poured, the table cheering as you arrive. Most of our couples who skip the line do this instead, and none has regretted it.

Greet at the door of the drinks reception

Stand near the entrance for the first fifteen minutes, informally, and let people come to you as they arrive. No line, no parents standing to attention, no queue snaking into the car park. You'll catch most guests, and the ones you miss you'll find later.

Keep it, but small

Just the two of you, no parents, and a coordinator whose job is to keep it moving. Halves the time, keeps the custom, and your parents get to enjoy the arrival instead of working it.

How to decide

• Count your guests and multiply by twelve seconds. Then ask what else you were going to do with that time. If the answer is "the portraits", think again.
• Ask your parents, honestly. Some parents love the line. Some are dreading it. Either way it's their forty minutes too, and they may have a view you haven't heard.
• Check the sunset. In summer you can afford the line. In November it's daylight you're spending, and there isn't much.
• If you keep it, tell the coordinator to keep it moving. A good one stands at the end of the line and gently steers. It's the difference between twenty-five minutes and forty-five.

We have filmed beautiful receiving lines and we have filmed afternoons rescued by skipping them. What we've never filmed is a couple who regretted knowing how long it would take. Do the sum, decide on purpose, and either answer is a good one.