The first look: does it work with a two o'clock ceremony?

A first look is when the two of you see each other before the ceremony, privately, somewhere quiet, with only the photographer and us nearby. It's common in America and gaining ground here, and every Irish timeline article mentions it in passing, but nobody makes the case either way. So here it is, from people who have filmed both and who, for what it's worth, don't think there's a wrong answer.

We'll take the case against first, because it's the one most of you already hold.

The aisle gives you fifteen seconds with a hundred and fifty people watching. The first look gives you fifteen minutes with nobody.

The case against

Tradition, and a good one. The moment the doors open and one of you sees the other for the first time, at the top of the aisle, in front of everyone: that is one of the great moments of a wedding, and it's on film. The intake of breath, the hand to the mouth, the groom's face doing something he'll be teased about for years. We film that moment from two angles at every church wedding, and it never gets old. If you want the aisle to be the first sight, that's a complete answer, and you don't need to read any further.

There's also a quieter argument: the anticipation. The whole morning builds towards that door, and some couples feel a first look lets the air out of it. That's a matter of temperament, and only you know yours.

The case for

Three things, and the third is the one that decides it for most couples who choose it.

The first is time. A first look moves the couple portraits to before the ceremony, when nobody is waiting, the light is whatever you've chosen, and the two of you aren't being pulled between a receiving line and a drinks reception. The afternoon gets an hour back. You spend that hour with your guests.

The second is the moment itself. The aisle is public, brief and slightly overwhelming. A first look is private, unhurried and yours. On film, the difference is striking: at the aisle, the reaction is fifteen seconds of someone trying to hold it together in front of a crowd. At a first look, it's five minutes of two people who can say whatever they like, and they do. Some of the most moving footage we own is from first looks, because nobody was performing.

The third is winter. From November to February, a two o'clock ceremony finishes as the light does, and a first look is close to the only way to have outdoor portraits in daylight at all. In summer the first look is a preference. In winter it's a solution.

Does it work with a two o'clock church ceremony?

Yes, with one practical wrinkle. If you're both getting ready at the venue, or at the same house, the first look happens there around half twelve, the portraits follow, and you leave for the church at half one already photographed. Easy. If you're getting ready in different places and the church is somewhere else again, the first look needs a location that isn't the church steps with guests arriving, and that takes a bit of planning. A hotel garden, the grounds of the house, a quiet lane. We'll find one. We always have.

The middle path

If you can't decide, there's a version that keeps the aisle and still gives you something private. Stand either side of a door, or a corner, hold hands without seeing each other, and read your letters or just talk. We've filmed it a dozen times and it's lovely: you get the private moment and the voice, and you save the face for the church. The portraits still wait till after, so it doesn't solve the winter problem, but it does solve the "we want both" one.

If you're thinking about it

• Decide by temperament. The timeline comes second. If the aisle is the moment you've imagined since you were small, keep it. No hour saved is worth trading that for.
• If it's winter, take it seriously. Look up the sunset for your date. If your ceremony ends in the last hour of light, the first look might be the difference between daylight portraits and none.
• Keep it private. No parents, no bridal party, no phones. The whole point is that nobody's watching. We'll be there, but you won't notice us, and that's the job.
• Tell your photographer and us at the same time. It changes the whole morning's plan for both of us, and we'd like to plan it together.

We have filmed first looks that made us put the camera down for a second, and aisle moments that did the same. There is no wrong choice. There's only the one that sounds like you, and if you've read this far, you probably already know which that is.